I was born into a Roman Catholic family and attended two convent primary schools and one Roman Catholic secondary school which were all run by the Church.  The (mostly Irish) nuns and priests that taught us were always very nice people, very devout, very sincere and I, of course, never doubted the doctrines that were being introduced to me throughout the years.

I believed in God, which made perfect sense to me, however in my teens and particularly in the period after I left school I began to really struggle with the concept of Trinity and because I never understood it and because nobody could ever explain it properly (and I did ask), I stopped attending Mass and I drifted away.

I always felt guilty when I didn’t go to Church on a Sunday, my Mother would attend regularly and a few friends would also go. I went to confession on a few occasions and that whole experience really irritated me, I didn’t want to tell the priest what I had done and I really didn’t see the need for him anyway, I much preferred to talk to God on my own.  In my younger days I used to make things up just so I had something to say; the priest would say “go and say 10 Hail Mary’s and 10 Our Fathers and sin no more.”  It just felt contrived and wrong.

As I drifted further away God became less and less important to me, although I believed in him I didn’t think it mattered that I didn’t attend Church.  I considered myself to be a nice guy, someone who wouldn’t hurt anyone, someone who would help old ladies to cross the road and someone who was generally liked by people.  I didn’t think there was a problem.

As time went by God played no role in my life at all, I was clubbing regularly from 1994 and I was really enjoying myself.  Hedonism took over and each week everything revolved around having a good time and as much fun a possible, I won’t deny it was enjoyable, because it was, it was great fun and I thought life was all about that.

There was a moment during these fun days, I remember it clearly, it was summer time, I hadn’t slept for over 30 hours or so after a big night out and my friends and I were staring out at the rising sun whilst relaxing on a garden porch.  In those situations, we were used to strangely complex and sometimes very deep conversations which ranged from the ridiculous (such as the merits of Luke Skywalker in a fight) to, as in this case, the existence of God.

In a quick-fire round of questions to all those seated, the question was asked, “do you believe in God?”  I immediately answered no. As everybody else was answering for themselves, I began to question my answer and it troubled me, it troubled me because deep down I realised that I did, I really did. It was as if a light went on in my head and I thought to myself, what am I going do about that?

I didn’t do much, but what I did do had an effect. I began to seek moments of clarity from the fog in my mind which booze and drugs clouded me in.  I began to watch my behaviour and I didn’t like what I saw. So I started, very consciously, to reduce my intake of certain, shall we say, “stimulants” and I noticed my behaviour improving, in other words, I wouldn’t do the sort of things that I would have done if I had been in an unnatural, stimulated state of mind.

My moments of clarity became moments of joy for me as it allowed me to really think, observe and analyse important personal and meaningful questions.  My starting point was that I believed in God, in ‘something else,’ in something bigger and better and I knew that there had to be a universal truth, and whatever it was I believed that truth is important and I needed to know.

I moved to Somerset to start a new job which gave me plenty of thinking time.  I was away from that hectic life for long periods which allowed me to read more and to explore my thoughts, so I decided to look into religion.

I looked into different faiths for answers; I began with Christianity as it was very familiar to me but still the same old problems with Trinity crept back and now, to my dismay, other doctrinal difficulties began to puzzle me raising more questions.   How could a father not respond to the pleads of his child when he is crying tears of blood and asking to be saved from a gruesome death, as in the case of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane?   Where is the mercy, where is the love and also, where is the forgiveness?  Why can’t an all loving and all powerful God just forgive, why does He need blood, why the need to murder His son and to whom was this mysterious ransom paid, the devil?  Is the devil an equal to God, surely not?

Nobody could answer these questions with any clarity, indeed there seemed to be no uniform answer at all, speak to one Christian and you get one answer and speak to another and you get something quite different.  I concluded that everybody is in the dark and in complete denial regarding the quandary that is Christian doctrine, for me, it was obvious, Christianity was false.

Buddhism interested me, as a passive observer it appeared to be very spiritual, I was attracted to the peace and tranquillity which I saw in the people and when I bumped into an evangelical Buddhist one afternoon (didn’t know they existed)  I was more than happy to read the book he gave.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement; I discovered that it was a religion without God and one which taught reincarnation which is a doctrine I completely and utterly reject.  Whilst I marvelled at the spirituality of those Buddhists I met and the amazing feats of self control I was used to seeing on TV, I couldn’t believe in a religion without God.

Let me just say that at this point Islam did enter my mind, well, for about 10 seconds.  Within those 10 seconds I completely dismissed Islam as option, it was non starter. I thought they’re all so backward, their woman looked totally oppressed and from what I saw on the news and in other media, the men were ignorant, violent and completely unreasonable.  No thank you.

I wasn’t interested in learning about Islam because I knew it was false, in fact I had never met a Muslim before and it seemed so foreign.  So it was to my horror that on one day as I was entering a new open plan office floor to sort out my bits and pieces in a new office I looked up and saw a 6 ft Muslim guy with a big black beard organising his bits and pieces too; it seemed we were going to be office neighbours.  I said to myself, I do not want to be talking to you.

Thinking back, I don’t know where that ignorance came from, it was very unlike me to have such a reaction.

As fate would have it, he came up to me one day and began talking to me, just general chit chat and I really thought nothing of it.  It was a few weeks later and after lots more office conversations he said that he was travelling up to Birmingham and that if I wanted a lift back to Ross he could drop me off as it was on his way.  I jumped at the chance as it gave me an opportunity to see my family and go out with my friends.  Plus, I began to like him.

We were driving up the M5 and we were talking and I became very nosey, I opened his glove compartment and started rummaging around and found a few tapes.  Being a massive music fan I thought excellent, maybe now we can play some music in the car.  I began reading the cover of one tape and realised that I had never heard of this particular group, the song title read, ‘Maulana Ahmed Ali – The Dajjal,’ I said “who are they, what type of music is this?”

My friend told me to put away (He later told me he didn’t want to frighten me away) but I persisted and eventually got it into the cassette player in the car. It wasn’t a music tape after all, I heard some guy with a northern accent shouting, ranting and raving at the top of his voice, I had no idea what was going on.  I looked at him and he said it was a talk, I said “what sort of talk?” He replied “an Islamic Talk.” I wasn’t prepared for that answer and shut up and stared out of the window trying not to listen, it was very awkward.

But then, the man who was talking on the tape so passionately mentioned the name Jesus, my ears suddenly pricked up, then he mentioned the anti Christ and I thought, I know these characters, what is this Muslim guy doing with a tape about Jesus?  I was totally confused, what do Muslims know about Jesus? I kept quiet, I continued to listen and I said nothing.

A week or so later my new Muslim friend began talking to me about his religion again but I was not interested at all, I was trying not to be rude, but I thought he is completely wasting his time.  He began telling me about Jesus, Moses, Abraham, Noah and even Adam and Eve, this was too much for me to handle and I said, “what do you lot know about these people?”  He told me about the Qur’an and the many stories about them, this was news to me, and I was completely astonished that the Qur’an talked about these Prophets.

I was resisting every attempt that my friend made to talk to me about Islam but it was without much success, it seemed that Islam was the only subject this guy wanted to talk about and he was always talking with so much love and passion. Over time my position towards his words and religion softened and I began asking questions and when he gave me a translation of the Qur’an I promised him I would read it with an open mind.

I took the Qur’an home with me and sat on my bed crossed legged with the book closed in my hands. I was thinking about all the things he had said to me about Islam and although I resisted I had to admit to myself that what he said made sense. So, after a deep breath I decided to read the book with an open mind, I said to myself, if this is the truth I need answers and at that point Jesus entered my mind.  I opened the book at a completely random page and read the verse

“Christ, the son of Mary, was no more than a messenger; many were the messengers that passed away before him. His mother was a woman of truth. They had both to eat their (daily) food. See how God makes His signs clear to them; yet see in what ways they are deluded away from the truth!” (5:75).

This verse stunned me, I continued reading and the more I read the more astonished I became.  It was the power, the authority of the words and I thought to myself, who writes like this, which author claims to be the Lord God Himself apart from the Lord God Himself. I realised that I was reading the words of God and knowing that changed everything.

Questions that were in my mind were being answered as I randomly picked out verses of the Qur’an and at the same time the message in the words were piercing my heart to such an extent that my heart was racing. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach which grew; it was a mixture of excitement, of awe, of supreme knowledge… of truth.  As I continued to read this feeling built and grew inside me when the only thing I could do as it reached my throat was to let it all out with a huge lingering scream at the top of voice. My hair was standing on the top of my head and now I was bouncing up and down on the bed in complete excitement.

I was shaken, completely drained, astonished and my mind was spinning with all sorts of images and thoughts.  I had found it, whoa, I’ve found it; I’ve found it.

My first real thoughts of clarity were of my family and my friends, “wait till I tell them” I thought to myself. Once I tell them, they are bound to embrace with me. A few nights later I had a meal with my father and I brought up the subject of Islam and because of the way I was talking about it he could tell I was serious. What followed was a type of threatening tirade that I thought was not possible coming from his lips. It was made perfectly clear and in no uncertain terms, that if I was to continue going down the road I was on he would throw me out of the family, I would never see my mum again and all my friends and family would disown me.  I was horrified. These and other horrible threats coming my way brought me to tears and I ran upstairs to escape where I just kept crying and crying.

The following day, my dad drove me to work and I spoke to him regarding what was said the previous night.  I assured him that it was only a passing interest after reading a few books and that I had no plans whatsoever to become Muslim.  He was happy with what I had said.  In the back of my mind I intended never to talk to him about Islam again and to hide what I was doing from him completely.

But what was I to do now?  How can I become Muslim now?  I would be mad to because if I did, I would lose everything, I had no doubt at all, my dad would go through with his threats and that scared me.

My Muslim friend comforted me and talked about Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and the sahaba.  He gave me a talk by Shaykh Abu Yusuf Riyadh ul Haq entitled Al Fajr; the talk is an explanation of a chapter of the Qur’an which bares its name.  This talk is special, in four parts topics such as the nature of man, the reality of this life, the Prophets and the people they were sent to were all covered in amazing detail.  I had never heard anybody speak about God or these topics in such a manner before, I was completely captivated and every day I would listen to this talk over and over again.

My attention quickly moved to my friends. I travelled up to Ross one weekend and during conversations I would start to talk about religion and Islam and I would repeat almost verbatim what I had learned in these talks.  They too began to think I had gone mad. We would all be in the pub and I would be talking about all the things I had learnt.  This led to many arguments and bust ups.  Although my intentions were good, in that I really wanted to inform them of the truth and save them, it came across too preachy and some of them even felt I was looking down at them at their lifestyle, which was not the case.  My enthusiasm, my conviction and my persistence was not working at all.

Weeks and months went by and I would be speaking of the same thing, hoping someone would listen.  I would go to the pub and basically start preaching about Islam, Allah and His Prophets, I couldn’t think of another way.  There would be times when I would cry myself to sleep thinking about the hellfire and my friends; I couldn’t cope with it but I was trying my very best to get them to critically think about things.  I would always ask Allah to guide my family and friends I would even say, just one, just one of my friends Allah …I need someone with me.

I realised that I was a non Muslim and that didn’t help my cause, “if you believe in it, why aren’t you a Muslim?”  I had no real response, but I was certainly not telling them about my fears.

This ‘status quo’ continued for some time and the more time I spent with my friends the more influence they had over me.  I had though, given up drinking and eating pork and going clubbing, much to the displeasure of my friends.  They all could see I was changing and they couldn’t understand it or accept it.  I myself was heartbroken because I felt my friendships were under too much strain and we were drifting apart, it wasn’t a happy time. My friends were everything to me and I wasn’t going to give it up easily, but the cost of trying to convince them of this new discovery of mine was beginning to add up.

I had spells of where I would drink and go clubbing with them and each time I would feel so guilty, it was really getting to me, I was in a total state of limbo.  The choice, as I believed it at the time was this; my family and my friends or Allah , it was as simple as that.

I decided to use another tactic to convince my friends as group discussions were failing miserably, so I decided to speak to them individually. I went to each one with the message of Islam and all of them rejected it.  There was one friend though, he was always very respectful, never insulting and he was known to be very balanced and considered in his views.  I met up with him and began talking about Islam; I gave him two books, a translation of the Qur’an and Jesus in Islam, written by Ahmed Thompson.   He looked at me and said, “I’m a Christian and I will die a Christian, but I will read your books.”

I was happy with that, it was certainly more than the others did and I said to him that I didn’t want to see him for two weeks and to go and read the books with an open mind.

Two weeks later I bumped into him in the street, his eyes were popping out of his head when he saw me, he looked very excited, and he said “Yennings, you’re right, you’re right…”  I said, “what about mate, what do you mean?” knowing full well what he was referring to but I just wanted to hear him to say it. “You’re right, you’ve been right all along…Islam is the truth!” With tears in our eyes we laughed with joy.

I was ready to embrace Islam there and then but my friend needed time which frustrated me a little although I could completely understand.  So I began to teach him everything I knew, I gave him books and cassettes and anything I had, he was like a sponge, absorbing all this knowledge with such enthusiasm, it was amazing to see.

As time went on I realised we needed to embrace but things seemed to be getting in the way. But one night I had a dream, a dream I will never forget.

It was The Day of Judgement, I was surrounded by thousands and thousands of people and every one of them was terrified, petrified, they were all screaming and we were all being ushered in one direction, towards final judgement.  I realised the seriousness of the situation and began to panic. As I looked around I couldn’t see any Muslims, all I could see was the despairing looks of the non Muslims.

I jumped up onto the shoulders of some people and began looking for the Muslims, I began to shout “I want to be with the Muslims, where are the Muslims?”  But all I could see, from horizon to horizon, were streams of people being pushed in one direction.  I started to make my way through the people in the opposite direction; I was being bumped, kicked and prodded as I was trying so hard to get passed.  I was crying uncontrollably because I knew I had died and I knew I had been raised with the non Muslims, it was The Day of Judgement and there was no going back… I was crying uncontrollably and then… I woke up.

When I awoke I continued to cry, such was the power of that dream, it felt so real.  I knew that if I didn’t embrace now, this is how I would be raised.

I told my friend about this dream and we agreed, this is a sign, or rather the kick up the backside we needed – there was no excuse anymore.  One Friday we agreed to go to Birmingham Central Mosque to embrace, we travelled and met with my Muslim friend and he took us to the Imam.  With a dozen or so brothers looking on we sat and repeated what the Imam said and we both, together, declared that there is no deity accept Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger.  I was now a Muslim and so happy.

A few months went by and by this stage my sister and my mum knew of my conversion, they didn’t take it very well at all but at least they were still talking to me, well, sort of.  My main concern was my father who I thought would go through with his threat.  I had arranged to travel to India in Jammat and of course I couldn’t leave the country without my Dad knowing so I was trying to find the words to tell him.

Previously, I had spent time at my Dads house and I hid the fact that I had converted and I thought I did a good job.  One funny moment was when he told me we were having roast lamb for our dinner.  I told him that my football team are in pre season training and the manager has given us a strict vegetarian diet and so I couldn’t eat the roast lamb.  He bought it, or so I thought.  His wife is an educational psychologist and after I left she began to think about my behaviour during my stay and worked out that I had converted.

I was in my home and my mum told me that when my sister went down there the previous day the whole family quizzed her regarding my conversion and she caved in under the pressure, she said, dad is going call you in 10 minutes.  I panicked and made du’a straight away.  I asked Allah to soften his heart, I asked Allah to make him understand and not go through with his threats.

As the phone rang I walked nervously towards it.  With my hands shaking I picked up the phone and said hello, it was Dad.  He asked me if what he had heard about my conversion was true and if I was really going away to India to learn about my new faith. I said yes, what you have heard is true, I have become Muslim.  He said “it’s fine, there is nothing to worry about, let me come up to see you and I will buy everything you need for your trip.”  I began weeping and said “yes, that would be great.”

He came up and gave me money and paid for a rucksack, sleeping bag and other much needed items.  He even said that he bought a copy of the Qur’an himself to see what the fuss was about.   That was September the 10th 2001 and I was flying out to India two days later on the 12th September 2001. I got a phone call from my Dad on my mobile whilst I was at the airport.  Events on September 11th 2001 had a big impact on everyone and here was his boy who (from his point of view) had joined the enemy ranks and who was gathered with 20 or so bearded Muslims at Heathrow airport waiting to catch a plane to India. Not good.  He told me to be careful and that he loved me.

September the 12th 2001 was a very difficult day, but for me it was the start of something beautiful, I was embarking on a journey of self discovery and of learning, although I had been a Muslim for four months, it was that day , when I look back, it all began because those four months changed my life forever.свети георги

Lauren Booth (Tony Blair’s sister-in-law) has embraced Islam. She announced it at the GPU today. Alhamdulillah, great news, I am so happy for her!

She was in the news recently after writing an open letter to Tony Blair regarding Iran

She spoke at Global Peace and Unity (GPU) event in London and said infront of the crowd “I am Lauren Booth and I am a Muslim”

May Allah protect her and keep her strong. Amin

Beautiful new converts to Islam mashallah

I have been approached by a team of highly skilled and able brothers who have the love of Allah ’s Deen in their hearts and the concern for the wellbeing of the Muslims as their priority. They have asked me to get involved in a very big and beautiful project that will, inshallah, be of great benefit to those people who have accepted Islam as their faith.

It is unfortunate and tragic that a number of people who accept Islam go through many trials and many tests after they convert on their own without the support they need from us, the Ummah.  I personally know converts who have not been accepted by their local Muslim community, they feel out of place, they have nobody to talk to, they feel alone and are left to tread water and often struggle to learn the basic tenants of their new faith and especially Arabic.

There are so many issues that they face and problems that they bring with them from their past and it seems the Ummah is struggling to cope with it, which quite often ends in that individual leaving Islam.

This is an indictment upon us and evidence against us on the Day of Judgement.  May Allah protect us. Amin

The project that I have been asked to get involved with will directly assist converts / reverts from all over the world and will be a great source of benefit to them, inshallah.  It is multi faceted and will aim to cover all possibilities but we really need is to speak to converts from all over the world to ask them about their own journey and the issues they faced upon converting.  We hope by listening something can be created that will help them, with the permission and blessing of Allah .

This is a very serious request by serious and committed brothers, much work has already taken place and development has started.

If you are a convert / revert or a friend of one and know of their issues please provide your name and email address so we can begin to learn, it will be a few simple questions inshallah.  You don’t have to put your email in the comment section for everyone to see; by simply commenting on this blog you are required to enter an email in the field which will not be published. If you dont want to comment but want to help by sharing your experiences just write “I’m in” in the comment section

If you would like to share your convert story and the issues you faced and are happy for everyone to see feel free to write, it would be most welcomed, from my experience it does inspire many of us.

As the project grows I will be able to provide more detailed information about the products and services Inshallah.

Allah says in Surah Al-Ma’idah (5): 2

“And help you one another in righteousness and piety. But do not help one another in sin and transgression.”

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad said

“The best men are those who are most beneficial towards others.” (Hadith narrated by Imam Baihaqi)

May Allah make this project successful. Amin